Some days, it feels like I’m losing control of my own body. Every month like clockwork this PMDD rolls in and I can’t seem to escape. It’s not just the irritability, the mood swings, or the physical stuff…it’s this constant feeling that my body is betraying me. I’m aware of what’s happening, but I can’t stop it. I’m stuck inside a version of myself I don’t recognize. It’s really annoying!
I can feel it building and I know what’s coming but it doesn’t make it easier. I try to hold on but it’s like my emotions are no longer my own. One moment I’m good and the next I’m spiraling into a dark place where I don’t even wish my worst enemy to be. The frustration of it all is suffocating and so damn exhausting. It feels no matter how much I try to explain it to those around me it’s like they just don’t get it. (Some do understand and I am beyond grateful for them)
It’s invisible….it’s in my head…in my body,..but I look fine on the outside…(sometimes…my face starts to show the fatigue and lack of care)
It’s like being in a constant state of survival mode just waiting for the storm to pass.. I try to do normal things and be present but I’m not fully there. My body is fighting against me and I’m just trying to keep it together long enough for this cycle to end.
But even when it feels like too much, I know I’ll get through it. Just needed to vent
With love
Caitlin
Say It LOUDER!….an awareness blog for PMDD 
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