It’s Okay to Be Okay … PMDD Can Suck It!

FUN FACT: Just publishing this now but would you believe I had started it a week ago and never finished it…a week ago when luteal started…it still baffles me.

There was a time when being “okay” felt like I was settling. Like I was brushing over something deeper, something darker. PMDD has a way of tricking you into thinking you’re never really okay that your body and mind are always ticking toward the next emotional detonation.

But lately, I’ve had this quiet realization…
It’s okay to be okay.
Not amazing. Not euphoric. Just…okay. Stable. Even. Light.

And let me tell you something else…PMDD can absolutely suck it.

For anyone who doesn’t know, PMDD isn’t just “PMS but worse.” It’s a beast of a different breed. One that hijacks your brain chemistry, convinces you you’re broken, and then…AND THEN when it’s done gaslights you into wondering if you made it all up.

Spoiler alert: You didn’t. And I didn’t.

I’ve spent cycles loathing myself, crying on bathroom floors, arguing with people I love because my brain told me they hated me first. I’ve journaled the same dark thoughts over and over, convinced they were truth. But then the fog lifts, and I realize: That wasn’t me. That was PMDD in the driver’s seat.

This month, for the first time in a long time, I had a week where I felt…okay. Not hyper-productive, not overly inspired, but grounded. I felt my thoughts arrive in a straight line. I made dinner without crying. I didn’t question my entire existence over a text message.

And I’m holding onto that. Because okay is sacred.

If you’re reading this and you know the weight of PMDD, I want you to hear me:
You are not weak for struggling.
You are not dramatic for feeling deeply.
And you are not boring for finally catching your breath.

Okay isn’t nothing. Okay is peace.

And for anyone who needs it: PMDD can suck it. You, on the other hand, are doing great.

with love,

Caitlin