PMDD & People: Why Maintaining Relationships Feels Like Herding Cats in a Tornado

Living with PMDD means constantly running emotional damage control. Not just on myself…but on the relationships I deeply care about.

Let’s start with friendships. PMDD has a unique talent for making me feel like a burden. Like I’m “too much,” “too messy,” “too emotional.”

I cancel plans.

I withdraw.

I send emotionally charged texts I instantly regret or worse I don’t reply at all and spiral into guilt about THAT also. It’s exhausting

Then comes the post-luteal shame hangover I am sure so many of us are familiar with:

“Why did I say that?”
“Do they think I’m unstable?”
“Maybe I AM unstable.”

I used to ghost my closest friends every month like clockwork, convinced they’d be better off without my hormonal nonsense.

But what I’ve been learning lately is this: real friends don’t need you to be perfect…they just need you to be honest.

“I’m in PMDD mode right now…brain is loud, heart is confused. I still love you, I’m just not very talkative this week.” And guess what? They’ve mostly stuck around. PMDD might be unpredictable, but boundaries and communication are becoming my new survival tools.

Now let’s talk romantic relationships….sigh

Being in a relationship with PMDD is like inviting someone to live with you but once a month your evil twin also moves in, takes over and starts gaslighting both of you.

I love hard and with all of my heart but PMDD makes me doubt everything. Especially with my partner.

It’s not that I don’t know I’m spiraling. I do. I feel myself unraveling mid-sentence. But knowing doesn’t always stop the emotional wildfire.

“The vibes are about to shift. I still love you. Proceed with snacks and emotional detachment.”

The hardest part? Explaining that the way I behave during PMDD is not who I am….but it’s still real pain I’m feeling. And it’s not easy to love someone through that. It takes patience…. boundaries…. A lot of forgiveness (on both sides) and communication.

PMDD can make you feel like you’re too much for anyone. Too complicated. Too broken.

But here’s the truth I try to hold onto: You are not too much. You are navigating a lot. And the right people will want to learn your language…even when it sounds like static.

Friendships and love don’t always survive PMDD unscathed. But the ones that do? Those are the real ones. The ones worth fighting for, even when you’re fighting with yourself.

With Love

Caitlin