Am I Treating My PMDD or Just Gaslighting Myself with a Prescription?

There are few things more sobering than looking up your symptoms and realizing the very thing you’re using to treat them MIGHT ALSO be making them worse.

It’s like finding out the fire extinguisher you’ve been hugging for safety is actually filled with lighter fluid.

Cute.

So, here I am…a woman with PMDD…a daily SSRI habit…and a growing suspicion that I may have been playing mental health Jenga with my brain chemistry…

Once upon a diagnosis a kind doctor handed me a prescription for an SSRI and said something like, “This should help smooth the emotional rollercoaster.” And iykyk….I wanted to be smoothed…I wanted off the roller coaster!

And for a while it did help….sort of….I felt… muted, but functional. Like someone turned the volume down on my emotions.

But then came the sneaky symptoms….

The brain fog with no checkout date.

The mysterious rage that would flare up with all the subtlety of a volcano

The emotional flatlining where even watching a baby panda sneeze couldn’t crack a smile.

Cue the late-night rabbit hole: “Can SSRIs make PMDD worse?”…

Oh look!

Studies.

Anecdotes.

Forums full of women whisper-screaming “ME TOO”

Apparently in some cases SSRIs…particularly when taken daily…can blunt your baseline mood and intensify the monthly crash when hormone levels dip.

So now I’m here… blinking into the fluorescent light of self-awareness and wondering:

Have I just been sedating myself into a more palatable version of chaos?

Have I been treating the symptoms while simultaneously feeding the beast?

To be clear…I’m not anti-medication. SSRIs have saved lives and stabilized moods and allowed many to function beautifully. But mental health is not a one-size-fits-all.

So I’m going back to the drawing board (doctor) with a laundry list of questions…a chart of my moods that looks like a Six Flags ride…. and a newfound desire to ACTUALLY read the side effects label.

SO! If you are also on SSRIs for PMDD and wondering why your mental health feels like a poorly written plot twist, you are not alone.

We are legion.

We are exhausted.

And we’re probably overdue for a medication review.

With love,

Caitlin