Say It LOUDER!….an awareness blog for PMDD

So, while I feel the birth control is helping it did whack me out some and for those not fluent in PMDD it means I was approximately two almonds away from an emotional breakdown. I’m bloated, I hate everyone, and I’ve cried twice today….once because I dropped a sock and once because I found a sock….like seriously….but most importantly… I want cake. I want fries. I want to crawl inside a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and live there forever like a crunchy little troll!!!!

But no. Instead, I’m supposed to “balance my hormones” with leafy greens, omega-3s, and something called magnesium-rich foods (which…spoiler alert are never in the cookie aisle). Every blog post and nutritionist says the same thing: “Avoid sugar and processed foods to help manage your PMDD symptoms.” 

The problem is, my hormones are the ultimate gaslighters. They start the craving whisper ….“You deserve this donut, babe”…and then punish me for it ten minutes later with a mood crash that feels like I got ghosted by the entire universe.

So I try. I make the smoothie. I eat the damn salmon. I even snack on raw almonds like a woodland squirrel who’s trying to get her life together. But the cravings don’t care. The cravings want a churro dipped in frosting. The cravings want a triple cheeseburger with a side of existential despair.

And then the guilt rolls in because now I’m sad and I’ve had three iced lattes and a family size bag of candy. The shame spiral hits like a sugar crash at 3 p.m. I start googling things like “can you undo a binge with one yoga pose?” or “is crying cardio?”

The truth? Living with PMDD means making peace with your body while it’s actively trying to burn the peace treaty. It’s knowing what’s good for you and still wanting whats isn’t. It’s trying to feed your hormones kale when they’re screaming for cupcakes.

So here’s my current mantra: progress over perfection. Some days I eat the veggies…and some days I am the veggie all wilted and smelly and emotionally unstable. And that’s got to be okay and something I am working on.

To anyone else out there trying to balance their mood with quinoa while their brain is begging for pizza… I see you….I salute you….and you are not alone. Oh! and if you ever find a hormone friendly snack that actually tastes like junk food…please tell me immediately! I’ll bring the magnesium. 

With love,

Caitlin